There’s a dead bird on the patio ... what shall I do?

The Things Blokes Do That Drive Women Mad

FORGET leaving the loo seat up, that’s small fry. What really gets a woman cross is guys leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor.

And there’s more. If you want to know what men do that’s guaranteed to make a woman see red, read on ...

l He grabs the TV remote and flicks annoyingly from channel to channel - stops, then starts again just as you were getting interested in the programme.

l He drinks milk straight out of the bottle - then puts the empty bottle back in the fridge.

l He never puts a new loo roll in the holder.

l He fills the kettle to the top to make one cup of coffee.

l He moans when you switch on the central heating for the first time when cold nights arrive. “We don’t need the heating on.”

l He never even THINKS about buying a Christmas or birthday card for one of the family.

l “Ironing? It doesn't need ironing.”

l He never realises the bath and loo actually need cleaning - often.

l He says: “I’ll be there in five minutes” - and always turns up FIFTEEEN minutes later.

l When asked if he would like a cup of tea or coffee, he replies: “I don’t mind.”

l He never accepts he’s gone the wrong way on a road. “I know where I’m going.”

l Selective hearing: He is told something then later swears blind he didn’t know a thing about it.

Things That Women Do That Drive Men Up The Wall

l She makes infuriating ‘emergency’ phone calls from home while you’re at work … on the lines of: “There’s a dead bird on the patio. What shall I do?”

l She takes AGES to get ready to go out, changing outfits and putting on makeup – even when she’s just going to the shops.

l She gives a running commentary on everything. And if there is a quiet gap she always feels she has to jump in and fill it.

l She dawdles along in the supermarket, picking up things, looking at them, then putting them back. And at the checkout, she never has her purse at the ready.

l When you’re driving somewhere, she always says: “Oooh, look at the view, isn’t it lovely” - without seeming to realise you need to keep your eyes on the road.

l She bangs on endlessly about the equality of the sexes, but when something goes wrong in the house is quick to point out: “That’s a man’s job.”

l She constantly needs to plan ahead instead of just enjoying the moment. When having a nice day out, she’ll say: “What shall we do next weekend?”

l She’s always being bitchy about her girlfriends to you. Instead of telling THEM how she feels, she’ll go on and on about it to you for months.

l Map reading. What is it with maps? It’s not complicated.