Why aren’t Horsham teenagers shrinking?

SCIENTISTS are warning that animals are shrinking because of climate change.

From polar bears to fish and Scottish sheep - they’re all getting smaller because of rising global temperatures and changes in weather patterns.

Well, what I want to know is why teenagers in Horsham are unaffected?

The boffins say that warmer temperatures have forced some animal species to adapt by shedding body fat. And over the next few decades experts predict that certain mammals, fish, birds and plants will get even smaller.

Apparently, they will evolve into miniature versions of the ones we know today. Well, how come our teenagers are not shrinking? I mean have you seen how huuuuuuuuuuuge they are? They just keep getting taller and taller. So what’s all that about?

I’m 5ft 8ins - without shoes - and I used to think I was tall. In my young-er days at my all-girl school I always had to ‘take the man role’ in dancing classes because of my height. Consequently I’ve never been able to waltz, fox trot or do any kind of ballroom stuff properly. Everything is back to front. No Strictly for me. Sorry, Brucie, I wouldn’t even be as good as the comedy act.

But I no longer feel that I am tall - because children begin towering over me the moment they hit 13.

Now before you start to think that this means humans in Horsham are immune to climate change shrinkage, just hold your horses. Apparently not.

At some point we’re all going to get smaller. But you needn’t worry too much yet - just take a look around at any Horsham teen and you’ll see that they’re still expanding rather than contracting.

Maybe they’re not getting enough sunshine? Or could Horsham be the only place in the world unaffected by climate change? Err, just how big are the sheep at Holmbush Farm? Anyone know if they’re smaller than they used to be?