Nik Butler: Modern stories would make rich pickings for Dickens

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The constituency was dead to begin with. There was no doubt whatever about that.

The register of its cremation in the newly built North Horsham crematorium was signed by the journalists, the bloggers, and the chief pundit.

Councillor Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change for anything Scrooge chose to put his hand to’. Old Democratic Constituency was as dead as a doornail.

Had I the chance I might have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to narrate that opening thought. A little of ‘A Christmas Carol’ creeps into my mind as I watch the current back and forth of an electorate who seek Christmas cheer in trees and jobs against this fictitious councillor Scrooge whose approbation of their actions is couched in confidence of permissive silence.

Who then would be the three ghosts to teach this Christmas Councillor the error of their ways? And how easily will the Ghost of Democratic Constituency be dismissed as nothing more than an undigested bit of beef or blot of mustard.

Christmas Past must surely be a tired and weather worn yuppy; crinkled Armani suit and briefcase mobile phone; reminding Scrooge of happier better budgeted times. Christmas Present arrives all polo shirt and iPad showing Scrooge how cuts in social care and public services will inevitably cost every taxpayer more and eventually save them far less.

Christmas future arrives as a shiny new investor showing Scrooge’s projects bulldozed and discarded in favour of mega corporation shopping malls.

Will our hapless Scrooge learn their lesson and leap to the window throwing their loyalty card to the nearest Parkour tumbling youth shouting ‘go buy the fattest cultural and social event available in yonder communities window. Then take it to my electorates house’.

If Charles Dickens were blogging today then he would have no shortage of stories and parodies from which to draw his wit and ire. Those who are invested with trust to represent appear to subvert the very meaning of respect and are busy dining on rises and wealth creation whilst they they wait on churches and charity to work harder at saving the poor with food banks and shelters.

Sadly the real world does not follow the rules of fiction so no helpful ghosts will visit and in their absence I pen these thought these thoughts that I might wish a Merry Christmas to one and all and a Happy New Year.